SILENT NIGHT - SWEDISH NIGHT

I am not Swedish. And I never thought that THAT statement would make a difference. I am Polish, German, and Irish and have been told GYPSY BLOOD is involved in my genetic make-up - this OBVIOUSLY must be the origin of my secret fascination with finger cymbals and goulash.

My NOT being Swedish was complicated in moving to Lindstrom, MN - "America's Little Sweden" - a small town where the aroma of lutefisk and swedish meatballs linger in the air - a town where Swedish was a language option in high school AND a giant teapot/water tower with traditional Swedish script looms over the kind folks who participate in the GOLDEN SNUFF BOX HUNT for Karl Oskar Days.

And I am not Swedish. Ah - but I adapted...I took Swedish class from Fru Fosdick - went to a Swedish college and participated in Santa Lucia - an event which takes place on the darkest day of the year....in which TRADITIONALLY a SWEDISH, blond-haired, blue-eyed girl wearing a wreath of candles in her hair visits the people. In Lindstrom - this event took place at the high school cafeteria and it was a BIG PRODUCTION - with Star Boys and a Gingerbread Lady and Lucia Buns and swedish gingerbread and singing and the public smiling all warm with the glow of all things Swedish. For two years - I was the Gingerbread Lady - a role that suited my Polilsh/German/Irish/Gypsy? self well as I got to wear a frankenstein-stitched brown skirt with an elastic waist. I didn't have to look pretty or be graceful and I could "fake" sing (aka - not singing - just move lips enthusiastically) as I got to flit about on the outside of the procession - wearing comfortable shoes.

What happened my senior year I will never know. In a very unfortunate twist of events - my name ended up on the ballot to become SANTA LUCIA and though I was awkward and chunky and had stringy brown hair - there it was - my name LOOMING on the ballot and I tell Fru Fosdick that I don't want my name on this fast-bullet-to-hell ballot and she tells me I can always DECLINE if I got it - and then I figured it was a moot point as I most likey wouldn't even get ONE vote and then the voting occurs and the next day I get a call saying I - ME! - CLUMSY, AWKWARD LOOKING ME! am SANTA LUCIA and I remember what Fru Fosdick told me so I said - "I DECLINE" and the lady on the phone from Forest Lake tells me NO ONE CAN DECLINE and I am now FREAKING with the BLOW-OUT and HORROR that the NON-SWEDISH "NEW GIRL" (only moved to area 2 years prior...still the "new girl") has to don a CROWN OF CANDLES and appear to float with grace while leading the procession SINGING in dulcet tones. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHO VOTED FOR ME...and lordy - WHY????

Basically - the SWEDISH version of Stephen King's CARRIE.

The day before Fru Fosdick ANNOUNCED in SWEDISH CLASS that I shoud REMEMBER TO WASH MY HAIR for the big day as I was supposed to look "PRETTY".

I washed my hair....and washed....and washed and even debated dying my hair blonde. The day arrives and even though I know all the Swedish songs from heart I cannot find my voice and my hands are cold even though I am holding a lit candle which dribbles hot wax onto my trembling hands and I CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP up the aisle trying to just breathe and I look out into the crowd of smiling SWEDISH FACES and my mouth is moving and no sound comes out and all I can do is silently nod to the Gingerbread Lady.....jealous of her shoes.


I'M NOT SWEDISH SWEDISH COOKIES
That was the first year I made these cookies...they are from an old, yellowed Swedish cookbook and the short ingredient list appealed to my new-founded cookie-making me. 25 years later....they remain my favorite!

INGREDIENTS
1/2 pound butter
1/2 cup sugar
2 cups flour
red jelly or jam (I find cheaper jams work better for some reason)

Set oven at 375. Cream butter and sugar to a fluffy consistency. Add the flour. Shape dough into little balls and press down in the center with your thumb and place on ungreased cookie pan. Fill the center with the jam and bake 15-20 minutes or until golden brown around the edges. Enjoy while giving a silent HEJ SAN to the Swedish folks you know!

no recipe for grandparnets

it is somewhat awkward today - i guess there is this NEW hallmark day....grandparents day.....  it is with reservation and pride that i share my thoughts....

and then i started to think about HOW one tries to sum up their notebook ledger to "living" - with all those standards instilled long ago - and i am baffled and humbled and sad and happy - if one can be all those things.....

so - happy grandparents day to all!  

to alice - who married my grandpa farrell and was feisty and tiny and secretly forbidden.....you sent me a knitted quilt in college and were at my wedding.......and though you and my dad may have not gotten along - you treated me as YOUR grandkid and it you were ALWAYS involved - one of the best decisions in my life i ever made was to call you on New Year's Eve 2000 to try to reconnect..........and i miss you.........

to frank - my grandpa - the father of my dad and my awesome uncles and aunts - you died early in life - but a photo of you remains on my mantle - when i was born - and i remember crazy stories of you working for the rock island line - and there remains memories of crazy stories of you  - perhaps- selling goods not legally......  i remember a porch full of tv's and telephone calls to move them ......i remember being in college when you died.....and i was sad for not knowing you better......you reminded me of johnny cash.....and to this day i wonder if my love for him is not some cross love for you.....and i miss you.....

to willis - my mom's dad - sometimes the ouch in my missing you creeps up at the farmer's market or the fishing lake.......you as well died too early - and your supreme generosity and love for fun and love for EVERYTHING steals a part of my heart and i am so grateful for all the fishing and snow-mobiling and your zest for pulling over on a rural road in wisconsin because you heard that they had fresh curds..........you smelled like fish and tomatoes and station wagon and cheese- your giving was free and without want...... how i miss you....

and to grandma seering - my monster at the end of the book - you gave me virginity slippers and recipes for pies and stories and confidence and a sense of history and love and uno and card games and pearls and a love for the earth and birds and easter cacti and your grandma smell which cannot be described......i remain loyal and full of love for knowing you and you raised the best mom and uncle of the planet and i secretly sniff your grandma smell from a wallet i have of yours when i am sad or lost........and when i smell YOU i feel like i know life's secrets - though unknown -i just know that life will shine its happy answer onto me....i miss you sooooooo much it aches.....

and to my parents -(my dad has died - this is directed more to mom)  who both NEVER ONCE said a word about not being able to become grandparents - i am sorry that you are not.......but we are given what we get - and i remain the luckiest gal EVER to have the family i have and can only wonder....knowing in my heart that it is not about being a grandparent or even a parent - it is about loving who you have.........

so  - live on - love on - and A BIG HURRAY TO ALL THE PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS TODAY!!!!  none of us would be us without you - THANKS!!

15 MINUTES OF FAME CAMPBELL'S TOMATO SOUP SPICE CAKE

David Rancatore was the most famous person I knew in fifth grade......he was featured in a K-mart ad as a model wearing Under-roos and I remember carefully cutting out the ad and folding it in one of my many zippered pockets in my fake Fonzie leather jacket and secretly carrying it around with me on the playground in hopes of getting his autograph.....he was dark eyed with curly hair and was creamy and dreamy and already walked the walk and talked the talk and strutted the swing-set section with confidence and charm.....whereas I would search for unsuspecting viewers to watch my unwavering and hard-core imitation of melting butter - (best portrayed while using the flag-pole for extra support) - my convincing transformation from CHILLED STICK OF BUTTER into POOL of MELTED BUTTER on gum-wadded concrete was only out-shone by my 80 Moritz Road POGO-STICK routine while bouncing to the Hill Street Blues Theme humming in my head.

In middle school friends would swap school pictures and sign each others' autograph books and yearbooks - already setting up an Andy Warhol expectation of 15 minutes of fame.....and soon the bar for FAME ITSELF got higher - meeting Chuck-E-Cheese - dancing with one of the Bobby Vinton Polka dancers at his concert - Drummer David Robinson from THE CARS calling my parent's basement to wish my friend Kim Brough a Happy Birthday - Patty and I running into Sammy Davis Junior in a dark alley in London - Bill Murray IMPLORING me to order the TOAST at a diner in PA - shaking Bill Clinton's hand - enjoying hot tea and a salad with BLOWFLY - sitting next to Aaron Neville at an airport (having no idea who he was) and telling him I thought it was JUST GREAT that he and his brothers were in a band - truly ENCOURAGING HIM to keep up the good work and work hard and telling him stories of playing clarinet in marching band and that if he KEPT AT IT - why, maybe they'd get a gig!.....I have shared a cigarette with Sam Shepard while discussing Whitman - I have received an APOLOGY CARD from Santa Claus and I carry four of Wally-the-Beer-Man's autographed baseball cards in my checkbook. I have been touched and lucky to share these things with those who have FAME.

After college - I worked for an art dealer named Richard who TRULY looked like an Andy Warhol in brown corduroy and smelled like sugar-donuts and whiskey and once had 3 brain tumors and couldn't drive OR keep his head up and would stand - waiting for the bus - with his two arms "tented" above, encasing his head - to keep his head from flopping down. He was eccentric and exciting and charming and a crook. The gallery ALWAYS was a-buzz with FAMOUS folk - from Horst to the Rolling Stones - and one day he sent me on a SPECIAL SECRET MISSION to deliver a painting wrapped in brown paper to a FIRE ESCAPE and I was to holler out loud some code words like "the spit flies upside down" or "the hot-dog vendor is sad" and then take the second piece - a REAL WARHOL - (one of the Marilyns) - to a frame shop and charge it to some account...(I OBVIOUSLY was the poster child for the IGNORANCE IS BLISS campaign) and finally this thread of ill-fated thrills ended the day he asked me to clean out the MISTER COFFEE POT FILLED WITH HIS PEE.

Those were MY FIRST 15 MINUTES of my life when I FINALLY SAID "NO".

HIS FAME hit with the jail time he served - though I doubt his special sector of FAME teemed with the world of massages and fancy water and people who shine your zippers and send you expensive champagne and gift bags and body-guards.

To the family Yahtzee champion - the moonlight bowling record-holder -to the mysterious APE-ON-SKATES person - to the Polish Pierogy Church Ladies.....to the toll-booth attendant who took no shit and to the person who invented the Glitter Pen......how I wish I had YOUR trading cards - how I look back and imagine your signature in my autograph book and indeed finally realize that FAME is fine - yet FORTUNE may be better.

Enjoy your coffee - but beware the pot it's brewed in.......

15 MINUTES OF FAME - CAMPBELL'S TOMATO SOUP SPICE CAKE
(taken from the Great American Brand Name Recipes Cookbook)

1 tablespoon sugar
1 box (18 oz) spice cake mix
1 can Campbell's Tomato soup
2 eggs
2 tablespoons water
1 cup sour cream
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Grease bundt cake pan and sprinkle pan with sugar
Mix cake mix, soup, eggs and water until well-mixed
Pour into pan -
Microwave (??????) uncovered at 50 percent power 9 minutes - rotating pan once during cooking
Increase power to HIGH. Microwave, uncovered, 5 minutes - let stand for 15 minutes - invert onto serving plate - let cool.
In small bowl - stir cream, brown sugar and vanilla until sugar dissolves - spoon over cooled cake.

NOTE!!!!!!!!!POTENTIAL WARNING!!!!!!!!


I have A.) - never made this before
B.) - microwaved a cake before (again - ?????)

THUS - apologies if it comes out weird - please let me know how it turns out and I will post a follow-up on my experiment with it as well.