ELVIS BALLS

oh state fair - how I love you!

I went to sleep last night with the sounds of sizzle and the grime of grease in my hair. I woke up at 5:30 this morning - went outside and while farmers were milking and babies were being born - I did my comparably pathetic duty and plugged in the fry-daddy.....it was time.

I mashed the bananas and creamed the peanut butter mentally adding up all the time and money I have spent on these cooking contests and if there is indeed a name for my addiction.

Tackling the elements of a drooling dog and a roommate sleeping in the backyard in a camper - I silently fried - trying not to wake the neighbors to yet another round of early morning oily aroma.

I am not a morning person. I do not like the early morning fry-daddy-ing. I prefer fish fries at dusk with total awareness and light to boot. I do not like forcing my friends to try my experiments. I do not like skulking around my own backyard like a shameful thief - stealing the morning air from my unsuspecting neighbors and feeling like the dirty one night stand contest junkie I have become. I am frying alone - and I fear it might be one of those danger signs of a true problem.

I am ashamed to admit that sometimes at work I think about the new tongs I need to help me in my fry-daddying/put-it-on-a-stick contest affair. I think about absorbent paper towels and types of crumbs to coat with and varieties of sticks I can stick with. I lost the cover to my 1970's fry-daddy and I now I search the thrift stores for the equivalent of a margarine tub cover to make my fry-daddy complete. Why I don't just buy a tub of SOMETHING - ANYTHING with the proper top size - I don't know....I think it keeps the dream alive.

SOOOOOOOO - My friends Chris, Tim and I went to the fair - dropped off the goods and sat at the Salem Lutheran Church Building and had Swedish coffee with egg where I was confused by the sign that read POSITIVELY NO PARROTS. There were blue and white checkered curtains and that summer camp dining hall atmosphere. Bliss. I just felt so - well - in the right place at the right time and then I KNEW I was when I started observing the latest trends in embroidered clothing motifs. I saw 3 - that is THREE separate ladies in THREE separate clothing items that had EMBROIDERED FLIP FLOPS on them. I saw a visor, a shirt and PANTS. FLIP FLOP PANTS. I need to type it again to make sure I actually typed that - FLIP FLOP PANTS. Where does one get them? I am guessing from the Wal-Mart's WHITE STAG line of clothing. (side note - WHO COMES UP WITH THESE CLOTHING LINES??? Seriously - they also carry FADED GLORY and underwear called NO BOUNDARIES)

I was so enthralled with the swedish coffee and the company at the old-fashioned dining hall that we actually missed the grand proclamation of the winners at the stage by the education building. We walk up and there are pictures being taken and the crowd is walking away and I guess I just assumed I did not place. Oh well - I did not place this year for SPAM or the Hidden Vally Ranch contest so I was not surprised until my friend Chris runs up and yells - YOU WON - YOU WON! And there - on the stage - was my entry with a big daddy blue ribbon on it!!!!!!!!

Take that morning deep-frying!

Here is my recipe - it is in honor of my dad - who owned an Elvis cafe in Davenport, Iowa years ago. He was a big fan of Elvis and his food and I like to think that these two Kings are now hanging out somewhere - getting foot rubs and eating anything they want without consequence....

ELVIS BALLS

INGREDIENTS

2 rolls (10 biscuits each) Pillsbury Buttermilk Biscuit Refrigerated Rolls

2 cups Corn Flake Crumbs

2 eggs (beaten)

2 ½ ripe bananas

1 cup creamy peanut butter

1 cup powdered sugar

1 bottle Wesson Canola Oil

DIRECTIONS

-Mash the bananas into a thick paste – stir in the peanut butter until evenly mixed.

-Take a Biscuit and flatten in out a bit – fill with almost one tablespoon of banana and peanut butter mixture.

- Flatten out another Biscuit and place on top – crimping both biscuits together

- cover with egg (beaten) and then roll in Corn Flake Crumbs

- gently put “ball” into hot oil!

-sprinkle with powdered sugar

(makes 10 “Elvis Balls”)

THANK YOU TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO TASTED AND HELPED AND GAVE ME THEIR OPINIONS!!!!! MAY YOU STILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY FRIED STICK FOOD!New Folder (2)

ROASTED BRAVE I AM SPIDERS

Roasted Tarantulas

I sadly admit to loving the reality TV show SURVIVOR - it is fun to watch and imagine how one (aka - ME)- would hold up in such crazy yet perhaps scripted conditions - and so you watch and imagine and yell at the television the CORRECT way to do whatever - build a fire, get along with pompous folk, remember trivia about the enviroment you are living in - bait a hook, skin an eel. NEVER did I imagine I would actually be involved in a "survivor-esque" dare - and yet - there I was past Tuesday - dressed in a Siamese Marie Antionette costume - eating things for a show on the Travel channel - to be aired in October - ranging from ants and grasshoppers to cow's blood and raw lamb kidney to roasted tarantula. I am still recovering. My tongue STILL feels like it is hosting a brigade of fire ants building some outer space structure on my tongue - combined with the element of maybe one thousand wasps stinging the inside of my cheeks. I am indeed better - but any food or drink brings on the wrath of roasted spider. I have researched - I will be fine - yet the only thing I was informed I could NOT eat was the Thai peppers used for decor on the saucer of ants and worms. We could not legally consume in case we blistered out mouths. HMMMMMMMM - first of all - the spicier the better - second of all - I have some inner instinct that spicy stuff HEALS and third of all - where was the legal note about POISON SPIDERS????? I SOOOOOOOOO am not complaining - it was a FANTASTIC, gut-wrenching, daring, once in a lifetime experience and I am super proud for being so bold and digging in - but yet - oh yet - my tongue still hurts - my mouth still burns - and I am hoping the 2008 Chicken Tandorri Experience of new-founded hesitation will pass - I love that dish and yet all I could taste was luke warm guinea pig. (SIGH) I cannot help but think of my life - I am 41 - single (divorced - the ex soon to be all over in the entertainment news - another story - another time - I respect his privacy and soon to be fame and fortune) - menopausal (which means CRAPPY McCRAP weight gain though I work out and eat super spinach salads EVERY DAY) - I have yet to figure out my career - or LIFE - for that matter - and yet - I carry on - consuming spiders and clipping coupons and cheering for the day when I will no longer be sweeping out bugs..........

ROASTED TARANTULA

get a spider - brush on olive oil.
sprinkle sea salt over it
roast at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes.

Eat in two bites - it TRULY tastes a bit like crab......for real. I have the broken tongue to prove it!