DELI URGE potato salad (AND SORRY IF THIS IS ON EMAIL - CANNOT GET OFF)

APOLOGIES TO ALL WHO ARE GETTING THIS SENT TO EMAIL. THAT IS NOT MY INTENTION. I WOULD NEVER EVEN DREAM OF FORCING PEOPLE TO READ THIS. I AM SORRY AND WILL TRY TO FIX PROBLEM SOON. WITH THAT SAID - my blog.......


In high school, my friend Patty Porter and I worked at a deli that used to be a bank in Center City. Deli's - when you're a high schooler - are not a fun job by nature so you learn HOW to invent fun. (Ways to make fun - get a fun gun and shoot fun bullets into arm of unsuspecting person - leaves no blood and bonus - no pain!/ Put aside shame of being 17 and making doll house into a scaled version of Lakeside Deli - secretly making miniature deli props of meat trays and sanitary paper hats and an industrial cold cut slicer out of a thimble for your Barbies )

Humans sometimes get this anxious feeling inside where they've just GOT to do SOMETHING - like run around naked yelling EARTHQUAKE or SNAKE or HOT POCKET - or biting fellow students with meaty arms (not so it hurts) or sometimes if you have bad feelings inside - you might want to break a window or yell NICE FANNY PACK to unsuspecting strangers.

These anxious feelings are really URGES - and when work was slow - which was often because who wants to eat at a deli that used to be a bank? - the ITCH would sneak on up. And with that - the birth of the DELI URGE. Why stir soup with a spoon when a corndog will do???.....or throw potato salad against the wall with our BARE HANDS (not a lot - just a bit to cure the urge). You may need proper attire - Patty and I recommend brown aprons and orange and tan hats - a mainstay in the 1980's deli design. As Patty says - it is not the ACT itself that creates the DELI URGE - it is the atmosphere SURROUNDING the urge. Giving cute boy from the newly moved bank next store extra roast beef is NOT a deli urge - that is just wishful flirting. Squeezing a cupful of baked beans through your hands into the toilet? DELI URGE.

Warning: Deli Urges can strike at any time - and most often NOT in a deli. IT IS GOOD to let out the urges if they're relatively harmless cause then it CAN'T build up to LIFE-LIKE URGES like giving up or running away or throwing dishes or sabotaging love or stealing gems from museums. BAD URGES!!!! Urges to kiss people are especially common and good BUT BEWARE if they have girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse - then urge is REALLY BAD - run away and go somewhere boring and urge-less - like an apron factory or the community bank break room.


DELI URGE POTATO SALAD (quote - "It's NEVER the same twice" - Gloria, my mom)

(Think 1/2 an egg and a full potato per person)

Boil 6 potatoes with SKIN ON. Let cool - peel skins if you want or leave 'em on.
Put in a bowl - add 3 chopped boiled eggs - some basil, some sugar (just a bit) - grate 1/2 onion (this way non-onion eaters get the bonus of the flavor without the horror of the texture) Taste it - if it needs "ZIP" - add a squirt of vinegar and a dash or dry mustard.

In separate bowl whisk mayo with some milk so it gets to a nice consistency - (NON LUMPY) - toss potatoes with this and add salt and pepper to taste.

Eat up and try not to throw on walls!